Aww, wiki, I am so sorry you are hurting.

It's sooo understandable to have these feelings stirred up in you, and it doesn't make you stupid or any of those awful things you've said to yourself. It makes you human (as if that's any consolation).

My T tells me that rarely is anything accidental, so I wonder if by going to Southie and visiting the graveyard that your body is trying to tell you something....telling you perhaps to work through these feelings that are trapped inside you.

I'm so sorry that your family is not around, especially on your birthday. I hope you can find a way to make meaning of the thoughts and feelings you are having - but also to be able to find some time to do something good for you.

I care about you, and I wish there was more I could do.