Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
Adam,
Since you do not find her pleasant to be with (a very basic requirement, on the most basic level), you probably should not be with her, unless you believe that your depression colors your impression of her and without the depression you might find her pleasant to be with.
Also, you are very firm and clear on not wanting to have children, and she is equally firm and clear on wanting to have children, and to the extent that it is a deal breaker, she would be better off alone and available for others who share her plans on having children. I am not saying that to create a sense of urgency in you - she is still young and so the issue of getting pregnant is not yet on fire for her.
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I think my depression clouds my judgement. When I wrote that she is unpleasant to be around it is how I felt at the time, but I don't think it is the truth. Sometimes she complains and gripes about things, but that is how she deals with things. I have a hard time seeing gray areas. When I original made this lost I was in a really bad mood and I think I mostly hated her at the time.
I don't feel like that anymore. I mean I don't hate her at the moment. Feeling this way makes it very difficult to process. It feels like my emotions are very unregulated and I they go to the extreme and then to the other extreme. I think that is why I used to just push everything down and rely on logic to guide my actions. I know she should be somewhere in the middle.
There are problems still, but they aren't insurmountable. She needs to be more responsible and find a permanant job. Babysitting her nephews is paying her loans right now, but it isn't a permanent solution.
It is hard to know how to feel when one day I love her and want to be around her, and the next day I hate her and want nothing to do with her. It makes me feel unhinged. I used to just cope by treating her the best I could and ignoring all the negative feelings I had. I guess that is how I used to cope with it, just looking at the positives of how I felt and discounting the negatives. I just don't know how to cope with those intense emotions and find stable ground.