I am a relatively well educated person with a fairly large knowledge base, good writing skills, and a good work ethic, but despite all of that, when BPD makes me succumb to my emotions, my sense of abandonment, and my black and white thinking, my self-hatred, sense of humiliation, and utter defeatism are so great that it's difficult to see anything else. How can such things that, when thinking about it logically, seem like they would make little difference, completely control my life?