I have been avoiding spending time with my dad because I've come to the conclusion that he is unhealthy for me to be around. He is very critical of my thoughts and decision makings and is manipulative and controlling, especially with money.

Today though I noticed something happening which I wanted to ask others about to see if anyone could offer any insight.

Basically he rang me up and was radiating cheerfulness over the phone and was very upbeat - he laughed. or I suppose chuckled at the things he was saying - even though they weren't particularly funny. He described a short trip he'd had abroad in a very exaggerated way - as if painting a kind of cartoon view of some of what happened.

I could feel in myself this kind of emotional reaction - it was as if I too went on a kind of high inside - but it was off balance. I found it very hard not to respond really enthusiastically to him because he was so enthusiastic to me, even though he has been really quite mean at times to me.

Then he told me that he was glad my son was socialising a lot at university, and said that he should keep it up and that's what university is all about (he never mentions how important it is to study - always the 'fun' side of things). I didn't agree with him because I think that socialising is just a part of it, but I was silent because he's like a force that its difficult to put up opposition against.

I know i'm giving a lot of detail and maybe some of its unnecessary but I'm really trying to understand the way we relate because its really screwed me up for many years.

After I put down the phone from him I felt that I had lost my grounding - my sense of being rooted - and there was like this bubble of 'highness' or glee that was linked to how he had been comunicating with me.

I realise that this has happened over and over again - he hooks me in, or I end up getting hooked in, I suppose its by this kind of charm which is wrapped up in glee. Then once my defenses are down then I will get the putdown or critical comment or invalidation (which happens a lot), or a conversation which is his opportunity to show that he is intellectually superior.

Why has his behaviour had such a hold on me? I'm in my forties and am trying to understand why he's had so much power over me.