He sounds a lot like my dad. Manipulative, controlling - but nice when it suits him. My T says I am insecurely attached to my parents, which is worth a google as it certainly made a lot of sense to me.

I think I respond enthusiastically to my parents because a) deep down I want them to love me and validate me and I'm forever optimistic that they will be better than they are and b) I'm giving them the reaction they want, not the one I feel like, after years of practice.

It sounds like you're in a similar situation. I'd definitely recommend reading up on insecure attachment, and also Toxic Parents by Susan Forward is a really good book.