I may be way off base here Stopdog and please forgive me if I offend you at all with this. Just that at times when I read what you write about your T and have occasionally written about your childhood, I wonder if you have a maternal transference with your T. Probably not at all what you want to hear, sorry. I just keep thinking of how she never seems to understand you or support you in the right ways and how you still keep trying with her. It makes me think of how you said that you mom didn't understand you or make you feel supported when you would share with her. I think you mentioned once that when sharing some achievement with your mom, she made you feel worse. And then I think you mentioned that if something good were to happen for you, you wouldn't share it with T because her response would just make you feel worse. As I said I am probably way off base but I keep thinking that you struggle so much to get this T to understand you as maybe a way to recreate and repair your original relationships.
Please forgive me if I have overstepped or offended. Just that I have been horrified recently to realize that I am in some ways having some sort of stupid parental transference with my T and it is pissing me off! So it may just be that it is on my mind lately.