I think by your admission that that may contributing to why you're not having good experiences with men. And in all honesty, yes a man may give you a confidence boost but as you said, it won't work long term. We also shouldn't rely on someone for our own happiness, it can mean that we are a zillion times worse if they let us down and it is unfair to them anyway.

Have you ever thought of cognitive therapy? It can be excellent. I had a couple of sessions a few years ago as I had some serious anger against the NHS due to misdiagnosis, and its fab to get out of a negative thinking pattern. My other half had 6 sessions a few months ago about some of his negativity towards others and mostly himself and he's so much happier with himself. Worth going to the doc? My partner's treatment was free on the NHS, but they only offer 6 sessions initially and then give you more, or group therapy later on, tho there is a long waiting list. I do recommend it, it can be life changing.