Maybe, just maybe, the person you are meant to forgive is YOU

At some point, as humans, letting go, means, we stop worrying about what others think, maybe thinking, wondering, saying behind our backs.

For instance, I was having my blood drawn, a couple of weeks ago, for a routine physical. The woman drawing the blood, kept saying, yeah, I know, you must be thinking, hurry up, etc. And, I looked at her, and said, nope, that's not what is going through my mind right now. What I am saying to myself is this..."c'mon blood, stop slowing down, just stop slowing down((she had several viles to take), and I actually started squeezing my hand more, to help her.

Basically, what she felt I was thinking, was nothing at all like what I was thinking.
Not, that you may not have good reason, to realize how your mom thinks and acts. It's just sometimes we spend too much time worrying about what others may or may not being thinking/saying/feeling, that it makes life all that more stressful.

Again, maybe, the person you are meant to forgive is YOU.

Can't change your mom, yet, at some point, acceptance comes in, that they are them, you are you.

Your husband, sounds considerate. Is he supportive of your ambivalence(my word ) towards your mom?

They, our parents, are supposed to behave like parents. And sometimes, we are handed the parents that we are handed.

I'd go so far as to imagine, you will/are nothing as a mom, what you've been handed?!?!?!?