My parents said no major life changes until I am back on zyprexa and leveled, but this is something I have been thinking of doing since I was 14. I've never wanted children. It's not for me. I can't go through childbirth, and there's no part in the life cycle that I've wanted to experience with a child. I've never had a desire for caring for a child. People say that you'll change your mind when you're older, but even if I did, I would rather adopt than to have my own child because not only do I not want to experience childbirth, I do not want to pass on my bipolar or any other bad gene I carry. Plus, there are so many children out there who need parents, I'd be happy adopting, there's no demand for it to be biological.

Another reason why I want sterilization is because I'm scared to have sex because I'm afraid of being pregnant. I don't feel comfortable having sex if it means there's a chance of getting pregnant. Abortion would be my only option, but that would mean I would have to live with that decision of "killing my baby" and that it would always be a dirty secret, not to mention a serious let down to my parents who are hoping for me to make them grandparents.

I'm not sure how to bring this up to my ob/gyn or my parents, especially since I'm not supposed to be making any big life decisions right now.