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May 03, 2013, 09:16 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
The anger is because no one can be there for me the way I wish they could. My sense of Self is still weak and wants to have someone there to support her all of the time. My mother used to be there like that, and after that there were Ts. I had at least 10 years with no T, but then I was pulled back like a magnet! I attach myself to them because they seem to offer unconditional love and caring, and they validate me. My Self doesn't seem to be able to exist without someone like that.
Yes, I'm grateful for my H, my kids, my grandchildren, and my friends, but there's still a void that can't ever be filled. Age is just a number; I get older but feel the same small child inside. This whole scenario is pathetic. The anger and hurt aren't about my T on her phone anymore. That was just the trigger. The only answer is radical acceptance. Trauma is different for everyone. Mine apparently is this anguish when I don't have "that person" in my life. I'm sorry if this is depressing. My session unleashed all of this anger--again. It's not the first time. It sucks.  |
This is a really brilliant insight, Rainbow. Knowing you may have hit on something may not make the pain go away, but it's a big step.
Is there any way you can address the adult part of you more in therapy? I don't know -I have a feeling that the more the child-parts of you are focused on, perhaps the more those aspects of you somehow become perpetuated. You *know* how the child parts feel, what they so desperately want. Maybe the time has come to see how you can reconcile these needs and desires with your adult self. Is there some way in IFS to 'communicate' between the child self and the adult self?
Perhaps as a child you never developed a strong sense of self because your mother provided (or overrided) your identity and did not allow you to develop in that way (of course not intentionally, she sounds like a very warm, loving woman). I just have a feeling that maybe you'll need to accept that that child part of you does not have a strong identity, that's the way it is, but the adult Rainbow can reinvent herself, can be strong, can leave the child behind (lovingly), and develop a 'good enough' sense of self so as to balance relying on your T with relying on yourself without your T's presence.
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