I think it's important to act well in public, so to speak - and part of that is being friendly, polite, pleasant, agreeable and of good cheer. Those things are also important components of more private relationships, with friends, family members and lovers or spouses. Our moods affect other people and we don't want everyone to join us in the pit.

But too much 'good cheer' when that's not always how you're feeling, especially in closer relationships, can also backfire by creating too much of a false front and isolating you even more from people. My brother, for example, is the classic clown, always joking and keeping up a constant light patter. He's almost 50 and I'm still not able to get him to talk about what he really thinks and feels about things. We spend time together, but I feel like I don't know him. He seems very lonely to me, and I'm very frustrated in my relationship with him. That makes me sad, for me and for him - like the cheerful mask has been there so long it's so much harder to shift.

In my experience, most people respond pretty well to genuineness. A friend might be really touched if you reach out from your heart to admit that you have troubles - even if it's someone you've only been 'happy' around before.

It's true that not everyone might appreciate or know what to do with such a genuine conversation. But your therapist - if she is good - certainly will, and telling her about your hiding behind a smile is an excellent thing to bring up in therapy. It should be a rich mine for exploration, and a good practice for opening up to discover more about how you really feel.