I'm sorry, but I could not bring myself to read much beyond the first few posts... I know it's scary to try to get help, but you really need something beyond what this forum can provide. If you are telling us you are going to hurt yourself really badly, then you need to go to an ED. Tell a friend, a family member, your teacher, WHOEVER, just GO! It's not fair to those of us reading to have to try to pull you out of this... I know I have no idea who you really are, but my heart goes out to you and I care. It makes me sad and upset to see you hurting... and it makes me want to pull my hair out when people so adamantly refuse the help that is suggested... Maybe it's me. Maybe I should just stop reading the posts that say "PLEASE HELP" in the title, because I feel like every time I do, I just want to cry... You are obviously suffering a lot to want to hurt yourself so badly. I have an idea of what it feels like, because I've been to emotional places like that, recently even... but PLEASE GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Worst case: they admit you to a unit where they at least keep you safe from yourself. Best case: someone reaches out in real life and offers some outpatient professional help to start you on the path to healing...