Baker, I just wanted to let you know again how much I support you. If not this month, then when?? I was telling my t, how stupid could I have been, that one of my closest friends would have gotten pregnant when we were teens, and my mother succeeded in keeping that info away from me? For twenty years or more? THAT is manipulation. First she bothered me into being friends with this girl, then she made me drop her, and never explained why, and I just followed blindly. Unquestioningly. All because she just scared the heck out of me. I just wanted to be good too. But what is underneath wanting to be a good person? I had to be away from my mother for a couple of years before I even realized how frightened I was of her. I think she scared me when I was very small. Maybe to make me stop crying. Or just be quiet. You don't have to prove you are a good person - right now, that's like a false motivation. You just hope it will save you from some unknown punishment, like a magic spell. But all it does is keep you unconscious, unaware, unable to face the facts. You have your new family on your side - your new army!