Thank you all for the advice.

As far as masturbating myself to porn or without, I can but to me it just isn't as good as sex. That's probably why I don't understand why he would choose one over the other. And he has said it wouldn't matter to him if I masturbated because he thinks that's sexy. To me it just isn't as fulfilling whether involving porn or not. We've talked about numerous solutions to make us both happy and one of us will always shoot down the others solution for various reasons.

And a for what repulsed me, it's not the porn it's the idea of choosing porn and masturbation over sex. It just makes me feel like I'm just not enough for him. Which when I'm not upset about this I know I am, this situation just makes me question it. Especially when I love doing all sorts of different things sexually. Some I go out of my way to do for him but I also enjoy all of them. There's almost nothing I can think of that I wouldn't at least try or be open minded about, and he knows that. That's why I'm still confused about why he would make tht choice when he can choose pretty much anything he wants. And or things I can't give him, I would be open to watching with him.

There's plenty of oral in our sex life as its something we both enjoy. I've even told him there are plenty of times where I don't orgasm but even just having sex will satisfy me and that sometimes it's sexy to me for that to happen, so he knows he doesn't always have to think of us having sex as him having to bunch a work to make sure I orgasm too.