You sound pretty strong of heart. I know that the drug Not-So-Merry Go Round is awful. I've been on that ride.
I am probably much harder headed & more stubborn than you are. I finally just got off and coasted for a while. I had to take stock, an inventory if you will.

I hope you can find the right answer for you. That is what I finally had to figure out, because I am really the one who knows me best. I have many non-drug coping skills I had to learn to deal with depression because I just can't take what the drugs do to me.

My current drug thing is chronic pain related, and it is just the same: they don't know what will work because everyone is different. So it is the same crap shoot all over again.

But I just keep trying to get better. I hope you will too....

This website helps some, it is one of my tools! see ya around....