Ultramar,

I have to respectfully disagree with the bolded part you wrote. The problem with enmeshment, is that, as you said, it doesn't allow a sense of self to form. In fact, if one were to try to express an opinion with an enmeshed mother, the mother would squash anything that doesn't feel like her. It often is covert, and I also think that it isn't done in a conscious manner, but it is very damaging.

I don't know how one would lovingly leave a part of yourself, a child part, behind. The problem is, that is what has already been done. I know for myself, that this child part of mine, when triggered with abandonment fears, will stir up emotions that compels me to contact T. This part was abandoned over and over again psychologically. I think the goal is to accept the child part and to nurture it. It takes a lot of knowledge and therapy to make this happen. I have been with my T since August, and what he has done (he is a DID specialist) is changing me, I am able to tolerate more of my emotions on my own. I am starting to have hope for a life of my own. By allowing me to see him twice a week if I ask for it, it has allowed my adult part to learn about my child part, to figure out what it needs, to lean on him for a bit, and now I am going to once a week in the summer. There is a way out, it is very painful, a lot of grieving to do, but I want to be free. But I won't leave my child part behind and I won't place my adult part as a higher priority than my child part, I will use my adult part to give the child part what it needs.

Rainbow,
This grief is the work you need to do. My T is helping me figure things out, and he has strong boundaries and is flexible. He feels safe. He understands enmeshment and child parts, etc., and somehow he has been able to allow me to be attached while helping me differentiate. It isn't that he focuses on my adult part, it is more like he focuses on and accepts all of my parts. I think people are confusing accepting the child part (and what that involves) with enmeshment. Enmeshment escalates child-parts because it is a reenactment of the past, a reenactment of a sort of disavowal. Just my thoughts at the moment. I know it is painful. Sending you tons of hugs.

I had to leave a therapeutical relationship (I was terminated) in which I was painfully enmeshed and therefore, kept reenacting the past. I wasn't consciously aware that I was enmeshed, but I kept trying to tell T what I needed (some things were enmeshment related (which wasn't what I needed), and some were child part related(which was spot on with what I needed). I consider myself lucky that I have found a therapist who fully gets what I need (he was referred by xT and/or some other Therapist xT knew).

Ultramar,
Forgive me for my curiosity, but I have to ask. Do you have a child part that you have left behind/dissociated? No need to answer this question, only if you want to do so.