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~EnlightenMe~ · May 04, 2013, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultramar

I think the goal is to accept the child part and to nurture it.

I 100% agree with this, Antimatter.

But I think there can be a goal even beyond this one. Long term.

I was probably too absolute in saying 'leaving the child behind' because all people carry all of their lives along with them, maybe especially our childhoods.

I think a long-term goal would be to integrate the child part into the current adult and for the child to no longer be running the show -which doesn't mean she isn't still there.

Nurturing the child in us who did not receive sufficient nurturing or the right kind of nurturing in childhood, in therapy, can be very healing. I'm not saying it's not important. Unlike you (I think) Rainbow has been in therapy for decades, so she may (or may not) be at a different stage in therapy than you.

I think the ultimate goal of nurturing a patient's child parts in therapy is to help that person grow into an adult. This can take years, but it is a goal. I think most therapists would agree that some form of this is the ultimate goal. Often before this can happen, as you say, the child emotions and behaviors need to be accepted and nurtured, but it's not the end of the road, right?

I am not disagreeing with what you are saying. I think that, in my case, that I prefer not to use the terminology such as the goal is so the child isn't running the show, and that the goal is to help the person grow into an adult. I am not trying to be picky, please hear me out. These statements, to me, are shaming (I know you didn't mean them that way, truly).
I feel so much shame surrounding my child part and have felt this for so long, (and suspect others do, too)that I want to speak about it. Acceptance to me means that integration is the ultimate goal, and therapy is helping me grow to be whole. When the child's emotions and behaviors are accepted and nurtured by the self, that is integration, that is what I am talking about, so it is the end of the road so to speak.