Sandipants, I lost my reply to your post. Ok here I go again,
What I'm about to say it might sound irrealistic but I have to.
Men lie and deny like is the last thing in the world to do.
Is my point of view that you have to look at the big picture, but I mean, the details included in it.
-Abused
-Insecurity
-low self-steem

I don't know you, but let me tell you, I went thru the same stuff and I counld'nt be more blunt or sincere than I am today. But he is not.
He went thru all that but he grew up lying.
Almost every men does that. For big/different reasons.
I don't want to extend myself too much.
But this is what I think and If I can be of any help I'd say thi;
Give him enough room so he can feel safe around you, don't jump to whatever you hear, that scare the crap out of the guys.
But if he still keeps that kind of behavior after you try this, I have to tell you, the ball is in your court.
Best of luck to you!
Keep us updated!