Hi there,

I am really confused as to what is going on with my brain right now. I cannot talk to anyone about any. Last week, I went to my friends house and I couldn't converse or keep a conversation going at all. My friend told me that I need to open up more and learn to push myself out of the comfort zone.

But the problem is, I'm like that in my own home. I live with my family and I don't talk to them everyday at all. I am in my room all day on the computer. When my dad tries to talk to me, suddenly I have a bad mood and I asnwer in one word answers agreeing to everything he's saying. When my dad asks a question, any question, I say "I don't know" and look down with a angry face. He's not doing anything wrong or yelling at me. I stopped talking to my sister and whenever shes around anywhere in the house, whether its the kitchen, living room or anywhere, i just run away to my room and close the door. I don't know why I stopped talking to her.

We also have paying guest living in my basement and whenver they try to talk to me, I just say hi and run to my room. Let's say they are eating downstairs, and my dad calls me to come eat, I yell and say that I am not hungry from my room. Only after everyone is cleared from the table and no one is downstairs, I can go and eat.

I don't want todo this anymore. What is going on with me? I am so confused as to why I am behaving this way. I am not angry at anyone, at least it doesn't feel that way until I talk to my family. My mood changes instantly and I have no control. My thoughts are always happy and I feel like I want to say so many things but when I try to talk, its all one word answers.

My father is concerned about me because he tells me that if he has a heart condition and I should be the man of the house and be ready to take care of the family if anything were to happen to him any day. Not my family, not anyone understands a word when I talk. I speak fluent english but I just have this mind freeze and sudden change of emotions to bad moods that stops my conversation and changes my behavior.

Even when strangers try to talk to me outside or when new students come and talk to me, I cannot converse with them and give them one word answers. What is this mindset called? No matter what I research on depression, I cannot relate to any of them. I am confused to what is going on with me. It's been going on for 3 years now. I want to change but at the same time I don't. Some people in my university tell me that I am stuck in a shell. But as much as I try to push myself to talk, it's not happening.

I know my mother has had schizoprenia for 25 years and she still has it. Maybe I'm becoming like her and as I become older, I will lose touch with reality and go completely schizoprenic. Could this end up happening? its my worst fear.