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May 04, 2013, 10:28 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ultramar
This is a really brilliant insight, Rainbow. Knowing you may have hit on something may not make the pain go away, but it's a big step. Thanks!
Is there any way you can address the adult part of you more in therapy? My T and I have been addressing the adult part for a long time. Recently I have told her that I feel she is ignoring my child parts! I don't know -I have a feeling that the more the child-parts of you are focused on, perhaps the more those aspects of you somehow become perpetuated. You *know* how the child parts feel, what they so desperately want. Maybe the time has come to see how you can reconcile these needs and desires with your adult self. Is there some way in IFS to 'communicate' between the child self and the adult self? Yes, my T has alwayls asked me "what does that part need from YOU?" She has encouraged me to visualize holding the child part or parts and telling them that I love them and that I will always be there for them.
Perhaps as a child you never developed a strong sense of self because your mother provided (or overrided) your identity and did not allow you to develop in that way (of course not intentionally, she sounds like a very warm, loving woman). I just have a feeling that maybe you'll need to accept that that child part of you does not have a strong identity, that's the way it is, but the adult Rainbow can reinvent herself, can be strong, can leave the child behind (lovingly), and develop a 'good enough' sense of self so as to balance relying on your T with relying on yourself without your T's presence.
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According to IFS, the child parts are not supposed to be left behind. They are supposed to remain children, and are supposed to play like kids do! Yes, we are trying to build up my sense of Self.
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