I've been seeing my T for over two years now. Things with her have been touch and go at times. I've spent a long time feeling like I wasn't being honest with her, without being able to put my finger on exactly why or how. A few months ago I got drunk and wrote her a letter in which I accidently came out as transgender. Ever since then, all of our work has been around my gender identity. Consequently, I no longer feel as though I'm lying. So that's the good news... being honest with myself and then with her has freed me from a lot of the feelings that kept us from really connecting.

Unfortunately, she doesn't have any experience with transgender clients. I'm her first transguy and, while she's very supportive (and almost happy about my revelation), she doesn't know quite what to do. For starters, she doesn't know the lingo. That doesn't mean much to me because I don't mind taking some time to define the things I'm talking about. Like I said, she seems eager to learn. She's even sought out outside information, through news articles, youtube videos, and by talking to a friend of hers who is a gender specialist. (Yeah, I'm very grateful to have such a great T.) Also, she doesn't know the standards of care, or the basic path for transfolk. Many transguys in my position are in therapy to seek a letter which will give them access to hormone replacement therapy. Since that's not currently my goal (though it might be later in the year), I'm not as concerned about this part of our relationship. Mostly, though, it bothers me that she might think that this is just some phase, while I believe that a gender specialist would be able to see the situation for what it is.

So, while I don't expect anyone here to know about trans issues, I am wondering what I should do in this situation. Do I take the time to educate my T so we can continue our otherwise satisfying relationship? Or do I seek out a specialist who has extensive experience and might be able to help me dispel some doubts and fears? Ultimately, I guess the question is, which is more powerful: the relationship or the tools? I think that's a question we can all weigh in on, regardless of gender.