so when you talk about something that hurt you (from childhood perhaps or other time) how does he react? is he silent? does he say something like that must have been painful? or what?

Once after I told xT about what my childhood was like (broad highlevel examples) he used the word abuse... it took me a long time to let that sink in but then later when I told him of a more specific incident he said nothing...nothing at all...made me feel stupid for telling him...

Now current T is trying to go down the path of the past and I'm not feeling like going with her....