Good morning! It's 6:33 on a beautiful Sunday morning in New Mexico, and I want to talk with some of the folks who frequent this section of the forum. So here is the deal. All I can tell you is my mental state is so off kilter half the time I don't know what I am truly feeling I can't make since of my thoughts, and actions. Now over the years 4 or 5 of em (maybe longer my sense off time is shot). I have been trying to figure myself out. I do not have a whole lot of faith in mental health care people in my little town, here are some of the things I have been told could be wrong with me.... Over the years. Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD these Dx's have come from therapist and other mental health care professionals. Here is the thing they all never really fit, to me anyway. Now I have friends that have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and they always have told that's what they think is the matter with me, and I shrugged it off. Now that I have been clean and sober for a great length of time and have a bit more awareness of my emotions. I am starting to think they were dead on. When I am in a good mood that can last for several weeks.... I rock and roll to bed around 1am 2am somtimes 3am and up at 5:30am or 6am. I think I am just the bee's knees
I get to thinking I'm gonna be a millionaire one day cause of how well I hustle selling cars, smooth fast talker. Then I go shopping! last shopping trip I got 160.00 ray bans, 5 or 6 80.00 shirts, a 200.00 dollar pair of shoes, and another car! yes a car. I really logically can not afford this stuff in the long run, but hey Im gonna be rich one day so who cares. I also find myself very very capable of going sideways at silly stuff, super slow lines at starbucks, people I view as ignorant or trashy, sounds that are annoying and people who talk to me for to long... again silly stuff really. The down side is I get anxiety during these times as well I feel like I am blowing and going to fast racing thought from how I am going to be rich to concerns about death, will I die young, why is it taking me so long to become wealthy, bills, my personal health, and it builds and builds until boom back pain for tension, then neck pain, then tension headaches that make my mind get cloudy and foggy and I get dizzy, and if i am not careful a panic attack comes along... I skip meals like all but one and just chaotic nerve racking energy and anxiety mixed. then something happens I don't know what yet, and I wanna sleep 24 7 and forget the world I wanna be alone, no anxiety about death or any of that cause I just don't care if i die or not blow off work, last time I stayed in bed for three days and did nothing... depression then bang yesterday it kicked back in I am on fire. Up at 5:00 thinking I'll go shopping or go look at another car cause what the heck I can do it all! none of these states last a month or months...and seem to change with out reason. we are talking days to weeks. I never looked into bi-polar because every write up say a euphoric high, but can anxiety come with that.... it's not always euphoric if your so wound up you have panic attacks so I never made the connection. but I have done some research myself and I am starting to think this could be what's been at me all these years... I am going to ask my therapist tomorrow if this could be whats going on I never talk about the upside just the anxiety when I am blowing and going and the depression when I am down.... I don't know anyways for the moment I feel just tops so I am off to enjoy this day, best I can barring snapping at a barista...lol. I know you guys can't make a Dx, but can you relate or am I way off base here?