So we have to wait for a new surgeon referral The first one referred finally got back to me with , sorry we're booked can't fit him in. Now waiting for Monday so I can call gp again for new referral. I think they were closed Friday.

I know we'll get in with one, and get him fixed up. But the wait is disappointing. I'm in a moody slump.

Yesterday, got a call from the bf's friend, that he's had a dirt bike accident and in hospital having surgery. Broken wrist... I was doing so well with no contact, 2 weeks. But I did take his call last night after his surgery. I felt really obligated, and then annoyed that I had to feel obligated.

I'm conflicted, I felt sorry for him, but I didn't trust why he was calling me. I don't trust him - emotionally. It's probably equal, as in past things he's done that hurt my feelings combined with whatever I have that goes on in my head to keep myself guarded and untrusting.

I was at ex gf lovers house last night - the mean teacher lol - but I think she had good advice about him. She said unless he shows up offering you total comittment, the marriage you want, the living together as a family, these things you've wanted from him for the past 7 years - tell him sorry no go. But the point we're at now is that is all beyond the point. If he offers to marry me out of desparation for losing me - doesn't really interest me. I'm afraid he missed the boat.

I'm very conflicted and emotionally wobbly today - son's arm, other son's probs at school, daughter failing her drivers permit test, yet another argument with sister yesterday, upcoming work week and work I have to do today, now the risk of talking with bf again today. High anxiety. To put it lightly.

I have to take youngest to a birthday party starts in 20mins, we didnt' even buy a present. I barely slept, havent showered. Heart is pounding. Social anxiety.

Boo hoo. Thanks for listenting.