I've always been socially avoidant. I have extreme anxiety about being inappropriate and getting rejected. Over my life, I think I didn't rack up the normal amount of experience that it takes to develop social know-how. So I mishandle situations a lot.

My diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder. My thinking is that I have a personality disorder . . . maybe a few of them. Since telling that to my doctor, he has started to talk about me having Borderline Personality Disorder and other "personality issues." I did blow up at him when I was getting very frustrated that I am not recovering from serious depression. When that happened, I mainly said bad things about myself. Now I feel like he is taking what I said and using it as ammunition against me.

People in the mental health field tend to look down on people with personality disorders. Axis 2 diagnoses are very stigmatizing. That's very unfortunate. People don't choose to have them anymore than one chooses to have a mood disorder.

I know that, at times, I am dislikable. I experience acute remorse over this. At times, I really don't know how to behave . . . or I lose control. That leads to rejection.

This is so painful that I am becoming suicidal. For years, I thought I was making progress. Then, after losing a job, my life started to fall apart on all fronts. My job was the one place where I thought I had successful interactions with people and earned respect. I feel my doctor doesn't respect me. I guess that is because I don't really respect him. I don't respect treating personality disorders with medication after medication. Lately, he told me that carbamazepine would help me because it's good for borderline personality disorder. He had never diagnosed me with any personality disorder. Once, a doctor at this same facility told me I had Narcississtic Personality Disorder.

What I am hearing is that they dislike me . . . very much. I wonder if they see anything right with me.

I am losing what little confidence I had and becoming more and more withdrawn. I have gone to the psych facility, recently, and told them that I am becoming a wreck and unable to cope. "How do you think we can help you?" is what I'm told, and I don't have an answer to that.

My fears that I cannot be accepted by other people have worsened my depression. All I do is hide. My life has become very hard to endure. My way of interacting with others seems to be just getting worse. I've started to take pain pills for relief of mental anguish.

After a painful life, it is now worse than ever. My S/O is in failing health and I anticipate losing him. He is the only person in my life. Even he is getting sick of the way I am. I had planned a trip to visit family, but am very fearful of going.

The distress I feel has been getting worse and worse. I wonder if any of this sounds familiar to anyone. I feel like a misfit and I want to escape the world.