Quote:
Originally Posted by anilam
Really? That's so sad- I though too that the ultimate step is for the Self to became whole again- no child parts.  Sorry, must be so difficult to deal with.  |
The goal is for the Self to lead the parts. I'm not talking about DID. These are parts we all have, like a part who may want to eat healthy and exercise every day, vs a part who does emotional eating and doesn't want to exercise. It doesn't necessarily mean child parts. Or, a part who is ashamed of another part. I'll ask my T again because I was surprised too. I'm pretty sure she said something like "we're not trying to get rid of your child parts. They're special. We just want them to do what children like to do, and that's to play. So when my child part likes to play in the sand, that's good! She's a part of me who is healthy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antimatter
Thus far, my T has met my need to be validated, met my need to be heard and seen, met my need to have a witness to my pain, and met my need as much as a therapist can to be a safe base. The needs that have been overcome and the needs that I have used other coping skills with to resolve, well, there is no need to address them in therapy.
I think of myself as different parts, or ego states. Some are more integrated than others. For me, it is more like a story, such as my child part fills me with a ton of overwhelming emotions in relations to abandonment fears. I guess one could say it is a trigger, but the trigger comes from childhood. It helps me understand why I am overwhelmed when I am, which makes things less scary. I realize that I need to see this part of me and myself and now that it has been seen and validated, it feels real and not just a ton of emotions being hurled at me.
I started by depending on my therapist and my goal is to lessen this, and I am doing that actively by seeing him once a week instead of twice this upcoming summer. His flexibility and understanding that there is a wise part of me that knows how to heal myself, has been overwhelmingly healing.
I understand that not everyone has this experience, and I think we all take different paths. I don't hold the belief that the way I am doing it is the way someone else should do it. I don't hold the belief that therapists can't meet needs, because mine has. I do think that therapist can't fill the void and that it is up to the patient to grieve and move forward as much as possible. I see that Rainbow is doing the grieving part.
Rainbow, I don't do IFS, but was unaware that it states that the children are supposed to remain children. That is interesting. Do you feel like your child parts have grown at all? Do you feel like they have become less dependent on your therapist, and if so, what ways? I am really curious. I know that grieving the loss is very intensive. Hugs to you. |
Like I posted above, I think that's what my T said. It doesn't seem to make complete sense, though. Have they grown? I'll have to ask my T because now I'm confused. I think the baby and child parts who always wanted my T to be there for them can now accept MY being there for them to some extent. I think my T said we want to unburden them or shift the burden or something like that. The baby part doesn't think about T holding her all the time. It came up again now, but for a long time, like over a year, that urge hasn't come up. The urge for little parts to climb into her lap hasn't been there much, either. I think the parts grew to adolescents, or rather, those young parts are okay but the adolescent parts have been needing attention for some months now, and we are working with those.
When we do SE, there's not as much dealing with the parts, but I will try to remember to ask my T about the child parts again, as now you've got me curious!