Hi Adam.

Understand Adam, you're still emotionally recovering from the affair...the timing of it, I don't think, could've been any worse. You took a step in opening yourself up to her regarding your depression, and very shortly thereafter she committed a grievous abuse of that trust. A wound like that takes much time to heal.

On the positive side though, you do seem both very committed to working things out, which is good...I don't "like," so to speak, her harming herself as a show of remorse to you, but I think that's her way of trying to communicate to you that she is indeed genuinely sorry and remorseful, which is a huge step in trying to reconcile things. You, I think, by virtue of simply still being there and being willing to listen and work with things are showing above and beyond the dedication needed to work past something like this.

It takes time though...wounds like this heal slowly, unfortunately. You're both going to have to work at rebuilding the lost trust...her by reassuring you that she can be trusted, and you by being willing to accept it (which is harder than it sounds). For now, try not to worry too much on the sex...I think a lot of your problems you mentioned sexually are rooted in the emotional rather than the sexual (though if the weight is indeed a turn off...understand, I have ZERO experience in approaching this, and I hope I don't sound insensitive to her or others, but maybe you two could do something together that'd...err...help address that? Maybe going hiking together? Kill two birds with one stone....). Focus on recovering what it was that made you fall for her in the first place, and then go from there. "Re-date," if you will. I think the rest will fall into place in time.

Hugs,
Harley