Sorry, I just saw your post. Also sorry but I don't have my copy of http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...893218-2730266 to hand to find the page reference...

I will put in a word for that book. I found it to be lifechanging. Literally. I was struggling with my dx of BPD and was struggling with how I could possibly live with myself and expect others to tolerate my presence when theorists viewed me as an attention seeking manipulative liar. Then I discovered Linehan. I'd thoroughly reccomend the book to anyone.

She talks about how therapists have this unfortunate tendancy to blame the victim. Basically, therapist feels inadequate so judges the client to be 'demanding'. Patient needs more attention than therapist can provide and therapist judges client to be 'attention seeking'. Therapist feels manipulated so judges the client to be 'manipulative'. And so it goes on...

She says that therapists and clients both need to learn to lift the judgement.

She does indeed say that people with borderline personality aren't manipulative in the traditional sense. Then she goes on to reclaim the word. Like how black people reclaimed 'n*gger' she reclaims 'manipulative' and says the trouble with people with BPD is that they aren't manipulative enough.

I mean psychologically healthy people have figured out how to manipulate others into meeting their needs (or most of them) in a way that everyone ends up feeling fairly happy and good about themselves. People with BPD, on the other hand, have trouble manipulating others into meeting their needs (or most of them) in a way that everyone ends up feeling fairly happy and good about themselves. Thats why she advocates social skills training, so we can get better at manipulating others ;-)