I honestly don't think this is really an autism thing... I mean, you could be having the exact same problems with somebody who wasn't autistic. Like anyone else, we do make our own choices. Most of us choose to behave like decent people. Some of us... don't.

Love is not a business transaction for us. I don't know where you read that, but absolutely not. To me, love means doing things for each other, caring about the other's well-being. It means spending time together. I express love most by concrete action: If someone I love is hurting, I may have no idea how to comfort them, and will probably admit to them how lost I am, but I will want to do things for them, or give them things. Love for me, and many other autistics, is protection and security and knowing the other person is always on your side. It's being able to predict each other, being trustworthy and trusting.

This isn't Asperger's. If he has AS, it's probably minor and in the background--most Aspies just don't have the social skills to seduce some random women within two weeks. Having "other girls lined up" is practically unknown on the spectrum. He's rigid, he's trying to control you--and you keep trying to control him, too--and neither of you is happy in your marriage.

Re. lying: Yes, we can lie, and most of us "learn" how to lie when we're children, but we suck so badly at it that most of us don't bother. If you weren't able to detect his lies, that shows he has more social expertise than the average Aspie has.

I don't know where you've been reading about Asperger's, but you're getting a lot of misinformation here. When you think of Asperger's, the stereotype that comes closest is probably "nerd". People with AS are usually socially awkward, speaking in monotone and lecturing rather than having conversations, completely fascinated with one or a few subjects of interest. Most of us also have social anxiety and have trouble connecting with new people, especially casually; those who don't have social anxiety are often so awkward that they are mistaken for having an intellectual disability or mental illness. It can be more subtle, but the weaker the AS traits are, the less they affect your interpersonal relationships--by the time you get to an Aspie who can actually seduce multiple women and lie effectively, it's more of a matter of the choices they made than any effect of Asperger's.

Actually, the only Aspie-like thing I see in your whole narrative is that he didn't understand that you wanted him to clean out the cat box because he asked you to tell him if you wanted him to, and you didn't tell him to. So, basically, he took your instructions literally and assumed that you didn't want him to clean out the box. Autistic people are often better at communicating with words.

Regarding whether you two can have a happy marriage: You'd have to work at it. A lot. A big part of that would be your accepting him for who he is, not attempting to change him. Autism is something that's hard-wired in. We can learn to communicate with others, to connect, but we cannot change the fundamental differences between ourselves and typical people. You would have to learn his language, and he would have to learn yours. Note that when I say "Asperger's" I mean the basic cognitive tendencies, and you cannot change those, nor should you try. Nor should he try to change you.

It may be a relief to blame all of this on Asperger's, but the fact is, you have a marriage that is not satisfactory to either of you, and that is a situation that many people find themselves in without AS involved. What you're experiencing is something that happens to approximately half of all marriages--it is not uncommon. I honestly think most of this is not Asperger's at all. Both of you are trying to change the other person to suit themselves, and that is just not a good foundation for a relationship.