My family knows my past with SI but I don't talk to them about it.

I can't go inpatient.

Not on medication, by choice. Don't go to therapy because I usually presented normally so the sessions would turn into social hours more than actual therapy.

They're all like "well your SI suggest borderline personality disorder, but i can spot those a million miles away, and you're not one." So they were befuzzled and just talked with me usually.

And you're right in every sense that this is a trap.