Thank you so so much for your replies. I'm trying to think about how, okay, these people are bothering me because they are saying the same things my inner critic says, but that doesn't make them right, it just makes them part of the problem, part of the society that helped create and reinforce my inner critic in the first place. They're not experts, just random people who think they know best. Problem is, there's so many of them and they shout so loudly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freewilled
It's okay if you can't just get over it, tinyrabbit. I can't either  I actually think my T is thinking I'm weak, pathetic, ridiculously oversensitive, annoying, bothersome to him and that I should get over it already. I told T that and he listened and said, "Freewilled, I wonder what happened to your self-compassion?" Hmm. Well I dunno what that is, lol...
All those commentators are the ones who are wrong. Who are they to tell you what to feel?! I'm getting angry just thinking about it. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I also was impacted in childhood by my parents' MI and felt/feel invisible. My scars aren't visible, but they matter just as much cause they ARE real. So do yours - no matter what anyone else says  |
I have the same issues with my T. I'm gradually letting myself see that this is transference, and not what he actually thinks! I don't think I have much self-compassion either. My T says I need to matter more to myself...
I think I'm partly upset because those commentators are lucky if they are in a position to believe this stuff. And because attitudes like theirs are part of the reason nobody actually did anything to help me have a better childhood. I'm so sorry you are in a position to understand. I wish we didn't have our wounds.
Still, the fact we do at least means we are in a position to help others. You've helped me today. Thank you.
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Originally Posted by Solepa
((((tinyrabbit)))) Iīm so sorry that you got these responses and that it made you self doubt a lot. As a child you deserved loving parents that would meet your needs unfortunately it did not happen and now you have problems because of it. And it is understandible you have them and sure it is not your fault. And you deserve to get help so you can have good life and start to feel good about yourself. Everybody deserves that tinyrabbit even if people tell you otherwise.
My father was horrible to me and it hurt my feelings but I sometimes feel that my mothers pretending that everything was fine and there was no problem maybe hurt me even more. Like There was no alcohol problem in our family, it was never talked about and it seemed it never existed the only person with the problem was me. That is how I felt unfortunately this feeling stays with you for long time.
People from the general public say many things that are just bul...s..t like in my country when child runs away from home people comment that when the child gets back home the parents should beat it to stop it from running again. Would you agree with that? I never would there is so many things like this....people just donīt know the situation they just assume ...and very often they are SO wrong.
Tinyrabbit I really hope you feel better soon that this will not get to you anymore and you take care and be kind to yourself. You are on my mind girl.
(((((hugs)))))
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Again, I'm really sorry you're in a position to understand. I think people are sympathetic to children when they are children, but not once they become adults. So they don't like the idea of a child in a bad situation, but once you grow up, well, it's in the past and you should just get over it, apparently, as if you're not still the same person who went through those experiences.
I feel the same as you in that sometimes my mother pretending everything was fine hurts me more. Because I feel like she was in a position to do something about it and she chose not to. I don't care if she did her best. Her best wasn't good enough.
That's a very sad example about running away. It's like people who think attempting SU is just attention-seeking and should therefore not be met with any attention. Yes, I was seeking attention, because I didn't get any and I needed some!
Thank you for your kind words and
- here are some (((((hugs))))) back to you. I have T tomorrow which should help as well.