Often a part of us still loves our parent(s) regardless of what we've been through. I believe that we may always hold on to a tiny bit of hope that we might someday have a normal loving relationship with our parent(s). The first time I realized that I am never, ever going to have a loving relationship with my parents, I grieved for a long time... Once a parent dies, though, that hope is gone completely and that's a very difficult thing.

I wish you all the best. It sounds like you have been a good child to your father and I hope you can take comfort in that fact.