Hello I am sorry that you are having such emotional turmoil over something that hapened 10 years ago. I hope you are seeking treatment at this time, so that you can get some relief from your confusion. I really feel that because you were somwhat coerced into sexual contact ,at such an early age, that you were not able to engage boundaries in your life, regarding sexual issues, and therefore you can not judge correctly regarding the correctness of what is acceptabe regarding sexual issues and committ youself to boundaries that are sexually healthy. Your boundaries are still being controlled by the event that happened 10 years ag, and you need help in establishing proper and acceptable boundaries, for your maturity level ,and for your future sexual experiences that are safe and acceptable for an adult. A good therapist can help you feel more secure in making thebest decision for yourself in making your boundaries a safehaven for you sexually. take care I wish the best for you in getting the right treatment for yourself. Soidhonia