I do things out of order, so I started posting, now I'm introducing myself. I'm Mark, 62, married, history of depression since I was a teenager, then jumped into rapid cycling bipolar after my dad died in 1989. Got to the point I couldn't hold a job and ended up in the NIMH. I was stabilized but couldn't afford the med(Nimitop) so the county pdoc tried several other meds, all which made me sick, and I remained unmedicated but stable for 13 years, working full time and getting married. In 2004, my illness came roaring back as what turned out to be treatment resistant ultradian cycling, quit working full time at the end of the year and started on the medication merry-go-round while I worked part time. With each year or two, my illness worsened and by 2010, could barely work. Applied for SSDI in March, 2011 and it was granted two months later.

The marriage is dysfunctional, my physical health is declining and I'm debating whether or not to leave the marriage, not that that will make everything better, but because my wife is an alcoholic, from an alcoholic family and I've been subjected for many years to her verbal and emotional abuse(she might have borderline personality disorder)so along with my psychiatrist, seeking a clinical psychologist. I believe I know what I need to do but my self-confidence has been seriously eroded and I need some space with mental health professional to sort out the issues.