T,

I'm afraid to see you because I don't want to tell you about googling you. Usually there's nothing but now there are little tidbits of information that upset me a lot!!!! I don't know what's happened since last session. Maybe knowing that I have to face reality and not have you to fill the void has made me desperate!! I just want to be close to you but I can't be! I know it's supposed to be about me. Something snapped, though. I feel depressed. I like the photo of you on the SE listing but it triggers me. The transference feelings, if that's what they are, seem to be intolerable this week. I don't know what happened or why. Please help me tomorrow. Please be there, and don't cancel. I don't know how I can sit there with you though. I don't want to be honest this time. I don't want to tell you I'm upset about your life. I'm jealous of you!! I hope you're not going to wear nail polish all of the time now. I feel inferior to you.

rainbow