I've been feeling the same for a long time, growing up in a "extreme religious family (fanatism)" I always asked God for my feeling more normal, or at least make the fears go away.
It never happened and I felt like I wasn't good enough for God to take care of me.
Whatever it is you have in your mind, i think it's great that you can put it in words, I think that helps!
(((((((AlteredState01)))))))