Quote:
Originally Posted by siempre nada
You definitely need to address this with your bf and get to the bottom of this. But idk I'd imagine it would just be easier..a lot of the fun of masturbation is that its a very self involved experience. You please only yourself, the way you want to. But sex is less simple. You have to communicate with your partner and tell them what you want. Some people aren't good at communicating their desires so they take it into their own hands (literally lol) Plus he'd have to ensure you're satisfied which makes more work..
|
We have talked about it multiple times. I wouldn't even call it arguing because it really is just an open discussion. The problem we run into is finding a happy medium which we've tried solutions and one of us always finds faults with a proposed solution.
The main issue comes down to this:
My side- I have a high sex drive, masturbating just doesn't accomplish the same level of satisfaction. It hurts my feelings that he would prefer to watch porn and masturbate instead of have sex, also important to say is 2 things on this, it isn't an all the time thing on his side and his sex drive is lower than mine. So to me it is confusing and frustrating that if his sex drive is lower and we have sex when he wants to, it means a longer time before sex if he chooses porn and masturbation. Do I realize that this comes off as selfish? Yes I do which is why I'm looking for a solution for us both to be satisfied.
His side- He says he chooses it sometimes because he gets an urge for something in porn I can't provide. I don't want to go into details and describe it, but it's things like multiple people or 2 girls, or a different race than I am. He knows I like a variety of things and am open to them, but he says these are things I can't help him orgasm too.
To me that just causes these feelings of not being good enough or questioning why it is he wants to be in a relationship with me. In my mind people get all kinds of urges which is human, and so is self control. If I indulged in every urge I had for a cupcake I'd probably be a big girl.
It isn't an issue I'd leave over because I love him and aside from this everything is great. That, and us talking about solutions we couldn't agree on, made me seek alternate advice. Which I think you all have been understanding and helpful.
Oh, and I couldn't masturbate him. It'd just turn into me wanting sex or my arm getting tired lol. Which is why we've talked about oral and such. It comes down to the fact that he wants to watch porn by himself an masturbate. That has to be it because we've even watched porn together. It just all gets confusing and hurtful.
In reality, I think it's going to have to come down to things staying the same. I can't help but feel hurt and have these feelings of not being good enough and apparently he has a need for what he does. We just have to deal with what the other is feeling/doing and focus on our mutual love and relationship.