Adam, thank you so much for your kind words. It means alot to me to have you care enough to respond. I am learning. I am learning that it is ok to talk to men. I am using PC to do that. I am learning that men have feelings to and not just sexual ones.

My H has made great progress. I am hoping that with love and kindness that progress can be made. W/ the help of T we have decided to handle things in a strange to me way. If my H touches me I have to know in advance it doesn't mean sex. If sex is the plan I need to know in advance. Even if sex ends up being his plan after I touch him or he touches me there will be no sex. I most likely will not be the one thinking sex. If he has to go and take care of things then so be it. I can't be a part of that. So far that works well. He has to remind me, it's ok I promise it's not about sex. I need lots of help remembering that.

I am also hoping the EMDR stuff helps. Just the mention of touches makes me cringe. That is why we decided to go w/ EMDR. I am afraid for it to help, I don't know what I will do if I'm receptive and not fearful. The T says it is like someone filps a switch and one day it will be as natural as breathing, and we are not afraid to breath. It doesn't work for everyone though. But keep trying.

Adam, thank you so much for your encouraging words. It means alot to me to have people care. Espicially male people. Thanks. (((HUGS)))

Right now I am starting to rubs my H's back. Nothing sexual back there, I can't see his face, it is harnless. It does appear to be safe and harmless.