I just received a text from my brother, which is so odd because we hardly ever talk. He also hasnt spoken to me since the incident with my mom. He told me to call my mother, and to cut it out, and that I shouldn't be like him. Basically he acknowledges the fact that he sometimes cuts us all out of his life when he feels like it.
I didn't respond. My heart started racing as soon as I read it. I am calming down now and took my pills but I feel just awful. I mean she refused to attend two recitals for my daughter and I have to be the one? My brother was also invited and never came by the way.
Bonnie, you are right, I have to basically relearn how to communicate to have a relationship with my mom. I know she is sick to a degree. i always thought she needed help in that capacity so that she can have better thoughts about life and people.
The thing is I would like to go with my husband and make amends. I'm just scared of how she will receive us and if she will be nice and not get nasty like she has done in the past.
I sort of feel content now. I mean earlier I wanted to go and fix things right away, now weeks later its not that I don't care as much, it's just that I'm not in a rush like before.
I know I can't see a therapist right now, but I think that when I can, I will go. I think that this is something I need for me.
Today I was reading an email from my friend who is my only friend in my neighborhood and I became so critical of the things she was saying. I mean why am I so critical of people?
I realized this is my mothers behavior. She always looked for the bad in people. I had to take a step back and put my thoughts in a different perspective. I don't want to lose a friend.
But my mom always made it difficult for me if I was excited I met someone new or made a new friend. She always found fault in them. It was always negative. Oh good grief even when I was getting married she made it hard. Making fun of my husbands family or friends to me. Terrible. Like she is so much better than everyone else. She has a neighbor that at the time I was getting married she would talk to a lot. After my bridal shower she quickly ran over to the woman's house. I knew why and so did my husband. So she could gossip all about my husbands side and the gifts they gave. My mom and this neighbor do not speak anymore for whatever reason I don't know, my mom really can't get along with anyone. But it's ironic because my mom would say things to me like oh, all that woman likes to do is gossip all day long. I would never say anything like gee mom, you told her all of my business and now you don't talk to her. That woman knew way too much about me and my life. Pathetic.
So I know I need this time to become a better person for me. I know that I have to stop living my life for her, and I have to finally be a grown up. I just don't know why I can't have my mom supporting me the way she should.