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Despite all of this, she's usually cordial and friendly. She was affectionate when I was little. She can be doting. She makes things fun. She'll fight your battles. She can be genuine. Mostly, she's approachable and you really want to stay in her favor and its such a shock when you fall from her graces. Saying all her bad stuff really makes her sound narcissist but, I know typical narcissm. My first husband and Grandfather were NPD (undiagnosed).
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Sounds to me that she fits the bill!!! We do things that will sometimes not make sense, as you stated above she can be fun, genuine and fight your battles. As a "N" I know first hand what people thing is genuine is far from it. We do things that people think are for someone else when in fact its for our own good whether mentally or physically. When I let people in my family know that this is my "DISORDER" they tried to do the pat me on the back and explain things I do that show I have empathy and look to help others. As I am trying to refrain from my norm, I heard what they said and as soon as they left I told my wife that I do the things that they believe is for them when in fact its for me. The crazy part is she understood this completely(Been together for 17 years). The traits your mother shows is of an "N". The leader of the pack, the way you all feel that you need to tiptoe around, the coldness and being so easy to shut you out. Classic case which im sure she also does is when you show happiness or some level above she will take it away and turn your good moment into a bad one. I guess what im getting at IMO she is this, so much that with all the signs in your face you still question it. We can make people read our made up dictionaries of definitions and believe that this is the truth. Make a "normal person" feel like they are the crazy ones. There is only one kind of people who can do this and that is us.