So note to self: don't try to have a serious possibly life changing converstation with your "it's complicated not in a relationship but maybe" ex-husband during lunch.

I am proud of myself that I didn't run to the bathroom after my half sandwich and soup, but for the love of God, what the heck am I supposed to do with all these freaking feelings? I would have felt so much better if I had. Now I'm just depressed even more.

ICK. I HATE THIS. I want him to understand but I am too afraid.