Thank you NWgirl2013.

I've been trying to give him space. I wish he hadn't left so suddenly after the fight. We were both mad and said some pretty awful things to each other.

I just know that no one else knows me like he does. I don't believe anyone ever will.

I have tried a couple times to get him to go with me to couples counseling but he has shot it down for one reason or another. No, we can't afford it. I can't explain to him that is it worth the money, all our money to make this work. But I do get what he's saying. I just wanted a mediator, someone on the outside, to show us what we are doing wrong.

I'm already sick of being on my own. I'm tired of the silence and all the thoughts in my head that won't quit disturbing me. No amount of distraction is enough to take my mind completely off of it.

And it makes me angry that I've been to see the family physician and therapist yet no one seems to think I need to be on medication yet. I've barely been able to eat anything and I can't manage a full night's sleep. My sense of everything has just gone out the window. I clearly cannot manage life right now. Does that not indicate I need to be on something to help? idk....

I am just full of frustration and regret and sadness. Everyone else seems to be going on with their happy lives while I sit here and look at the mess I've made with mine.

Thank you again for your kind words. It's nice to hear someone be sympathetic without taking sides or feeling sorry for me. I'm starting to cringe every time I hear those words "everything happens for a reason" and "you'll be fine" ugh...