I don't think it's stupid at all. We invest a lot of ourselves in the t relationship. This is the one topic I have not brought up with t - haven't even formed it as a complete thought yet - but it's swirling around inside my brain/heart the fact that she's 12 years older than me and I'm no spring chicken myself.

Also the whole car accident scenario - I think about that sometimes too - mostly because when she was still here in the same town and I saw her in person, there was one occasion when I was late because of traffic and I had dropped my cell phone on the floor when I tried to pick it up to call her and let her know, and I figured I'd just be even later if I stopped to pick it up so I just went late, and she was standing outside watching for me and said she'd been worried. So now that picture comes into my mind every few months still, but the other way 'round, she's the one that's not there.... I need to talk to her about this. Thank you.