Thanks to all for the comments. I think what I realized in this process is that I am still not OK with who I am at some level otherwise I would be able to accept my shortcomings and my past as part of me. I will start there : ). I am so frustrated because it took me YEARS to be ok w/ being bisexual (not that that has anything to do with this process) but I felt "different" and like a square peg in a round hole. I ended up feeling afraid of having to close of friends for fear they would find out and think less of me. I finally just said whatever, it is what it is and this is me and I have been ok (mostly) since, though I don't advertise my orientation unless I know someone can handle it. I guess I wasn't ready for another "thing" to have to accept about myself. But here it is. Thanks so much for helping me. I have to release my past to move forward and I think you all have offered many useful suggestions on how to do that. (((hugs)))