((((((((((((wanting))))))))))))

I personally believe that love can happen anywhere, anyhow. A physical face-to-face relationship, it's pretty hard to "snow" a person that way, true....but you love her, I believe that. But telling her that you're drinking a lot and have been extremely depressed does sound like you are testing her to see how far you can push her.....and then, when/if she seems to "back off from the relationship" it sounds like it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy for you. Then you can say, "See, I shut her out, I shut everyone off---therefore---I will continue to feel miserable."

Sounds like you need to change your "mind set". If you continue to set yourself up, you'll probably continue to get bowled over and be asking, once again, "why do I shut people out?"

Maybe you really need to sit yourself down and write out WHY you DO shut ppl out? Past hurt? Everyone's got that...think of something more on target.....