I so know what you mean, doggiedo. I'm sorry you're going through all this, especially after coming back from disordered eating already in your lifetime. I hope you come to terms with this...it's so hard. I'm recovering from an ED myself and even though I've been behavior-free for almost a month now it's hard to believe I'll ever be truly free from the obsession, or that I won't snap one day, blow fifty bucks on junk and snarf it all down in two hours.