Is your partner not aware of your ED? Is your ED contributing to your infertility? It sounds like you're being pushed down two tracks at the same time, but you're reluctant to go down either of them. Like you are using the ED to say no to the IVF, because you can't get out of it any other way? Pardon if I'm projecting my passive aggressive tendencies on you, but that's probably how I would do it if I felt forced and powerless. Or just couldn't make up my mind "for some reason" like I just didn't want to.