Hi Tilly,
The rejection aspect of it. He has never directly reject me. When I told him he was shocked. He did ask me why didn't I want to cover this in session. I didn't because I was so ashamed to admit my feelings to him. I felt they made me appear as some slutty, absent minded, needy, floozy. I decided to figure it out on my own. His approach is always the same we do not discuss what I do not want to discuss.
I feel more comfortable with him now than ever. Closer to him and more open than before. I appreciate the role he plays in my life. I appreciate the fact he doesn't judge me. He sternly leads me along.
I do believe the transference serves a purpose. Each clinician handles it differently. I doubt she will do anything that may cause you a great deal of pain. She is a skilled professional and should know how to help you through this. It will not be easy. Our imaginations run wild with all the possibilities. hang in there. Take it a session at a time.