Diversion, I'm really sorry for what you are going through. It's hard enough to get out of an abusive relationship but to have these difficulties as well is like a real kick in the pants times 2.

I lived in an abusive relationship as well and I know how difficult it is to get out of with much self esteem as the abuser does a number on it. I had 2 kids in grammar school as well, plus I worked full time.

If I ever suggest to someone to leave their abuser, I will almost always suggest that they do some planning before they leave, if at all possible. Of course, if it's a matter of life or death, the planning stage must be ignored until after one is out of the situation.

Do you have any agencies in your state that assists those who have been abused? Churches are really good places to go to for help as well. Many times they will help with paying a utility bill, helping with rent or security deposits, medications, food and clothing. I find it best when having to look for help to network as much as possible. Ask the churches if they know of other agencies or help out there for you to look into.

Sometimes welfare departments, both city/town and state may be helpful. Many times, city/town welfare depts. will help with living expenses. When being stranded with bills no matter what the reason, call who you owe money to and ask to set up a payment schedule with them. Let them know that you are in a difficult situation and you know that you have not made good choices in the past but that you WANT to pay the bill.

If you are seeing a therapist, ask him/her if they have information of assistance that's available.

What you are doing and going through is hard, there is no doubt about it. I had to remind myself often why I got out and that the difficulties would have been much worse had I stayed. I made up my mind to buckle down, swallow hard and take baby steps towards my independence. I can say without one little shred of doubt that no matter how hard it was, it was the most liberating and freeing thing I had ever done for myself and my children.

Remember, right now you are also grieving. Even bad relationships, when ended have a grieving period that we go through. We grieve because we are seeing something fail that we never expected to fail. Sometimes we miss the abuser. Knowing what we were up against with an abuser can be more comforting than the unknown of what we are going to go through once we've left the situation. But, just because we may feel that way is in no way saying we should go back......life is for moving forward, not going backwards.

I hope that at least some of what I've said here has helped you. We have to be our own best advocates in this life, even when doing so is painful and tiring and frustrating. Keep in mind why you left and that all good things are possible when we work towards them!

Wishing you well....