I know you didn't mean to sound judgemental. I don't like the fighting. I have been on medication for anxiety and I began to realize I took it more when I was around him than when I was alone.

In the past , when we fought, I would not be able to eat or sleep. I always cried and he saw that as a manipulation. So the fighting was not enjoyable, at least for me.

But I have often thought because of his background that he was used to the fighting and didn't really know of any other way of addressing things. I saw a pattern forming after a while that he would always seem to have an enemy. When he patched things up with that person or they stopped talking to him, he would then have another enemy. When no one else was available I was that enemy. I've told him this but I don't think he took anything I said to heart. :/

He called at about midnight and after talking to him and gathering that he was just calling to tell me he missed me again and wanting to say good night, I told him he needed to stop telling me things like that. I said I couldn't handle the up and down we seem to be stuck in. I need to be clear on the fact that he didn't want to be with me anymore. He said he was fairly sure. "Fairly"! Ugh.

I think more than anything right now I am scared of losing the familiarity of him and that if this is permanent then I'll end up being angry the rest of my life. So many angry feelings lately. I can't seem to keep them at bay.